Picking Up the Pieces

Last year I got pregnant.

Last year I made the worst decision of my life and got an abortion.

This year, everything has changed.

After falling for IT Guy, having my heart get pulled and snapped (he didn’t want me in return. I offer no blame to him, as he never told me he wanted me. We just sort of used each other I guess…), I’ve just sort of started over. For myself.

I left my husband. I moved back “home.” I left my good-paying job, and just got another one. I’m starting over and picking up the pieces.

Starting over is hard. Having people say they understand. That they think I’m brave. That I’m able to change so easily. That I’m not afraid of the outcome or the unknown. That I’m making a smart decision. And then on the flipside, having my husband tell me that he misses me. That he can’t wait to move out here. And I realize he doesn’t get it. He hasn’t changed.

And I wonder if I’ll ever meet someone who just cares about me for me. That won’t judge me on my past mistakes. That will love me without holding back. That will just take it slow and understand all of me is worth it.

Someday I guess. Just not right now. I just need to concentrate on me. Pick up the pieces. One at a time.

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~ by shespeakstruth on November 6, 2013.