I’m Not Sure What They See…

It’s the comments that get to me. The opinions that are dished out left and right from folks who mean well.

“I’ll pay to have him move out here with you.”
“He’s going to be in your life somehow, I just know it.”
“I’m having a hard time sleeping. I miss you.”
“He was a jerk.”
“Of course you’re going to want him back. It gets better after time.”
“Well,  he sure as hell doesn’t want to date you now, does he?”
“It’s not over. It’s just not anything right now.”

And then the silence.

Everyone is a critic. It’s so easy to make a comment about someone else. Without realizing how it affects someone.

I left my husband almost exactly a month ago. I spent four weeks separating his from hers, mine from yours, us from them. I fought over who got a stupid pan. A pan. I’m embarrassed.

I left a good paying job.

I moved a thousand miles away.

And I started it off alone. And while I may have gotten a few messages from folks who looked up to me for doing what they couldn’t… I got even more messages questioning why I would ruin my own marriage. Why I was making the decision I was making. Why I wasn’t trying my hardest.

When is it ok to re-evaluate your life and make changes? For happiness?
For some, apparently never.

I AM happy. I’m also lonely, scared, confused, disappointed, and excited.
I’ve been judged by a select few, and I just have to keep telling myself that I’m worth making these changes. The hell with whether they want to date me, be friends with me, consider me family, or other…

You really do have to start caring about yourself at some point in life. I just feel like I missed out on a lot in the past 10 years. Where to even start to pick up the pieces?


~ by shespeakstruth on November 5, 2013.