A quick check at the state of things

  • Paragard IUD: Hate it. Would never talk anyone into an IUD. And am physically healed from this ordeal.
  • Pregnancy: Want it. Someday. With the right person. And I need to learn to not let those pregnancy hormones make me go psycho. I’m scary pregnant…
  • Clonazepam: Helpful in making my thoughts die down at night. But dangerous in that it is also slowing my breathing. Glad I only take it for another week.
  • Internet Guy: History. Again. He flows in and out of my life like a bad rollercoaster. My heart is not tugging on anything with him.
  • Exercise: Working on it. Was planning on going to the gym today, but decided against it. My legs are on fire and I hate all things that deal with stairs right now.
  • Lipstick: Love. In love with it. And I am DYING to find a boyfriend who will try a  few things (post on this later).
  • Work: I enjoy my work. I’m fulfilled by it right now. But I desperately want to be in Cheyenne. Applying to another job tonight.
  • Moving: Nervous. I won’t lie that a big part of this is because I worry about being near IT Guy.
  • IT Guy: He’s sort of like kryptonite. Definitely like him. Definitely think he’s hot. Admire his family life. His ability to get his hands dirty. His motorcycle. And his apartment.
  • How I feel when I think about IT Guy: DAMNIT.
  • Marriage: Ugh.
  • Happiness: I am honestly happy right now. How in the world is that possible?
  • The “Talk” with my Husband: Will happen this week. He has to know that I care about someone else. And that it’s not going away.
  • The sex: Non-existent. Though my rebound is completely willing. And eager. It could be fun. But damnit… it’s not who I want it to be.
  • My parents: Supportive. And the words, “You didn’t sign up for this” and “We don’t condone cheating, but we can see why you like him…” are helpful.
  • Therapy: Weekly. Helpful. I love my therapist. And I love how she is making me realize I CAN feel good. That I DO feel good. My god.. AM I NORMAL?
  • Confidence: More on this in a separate post. But I used to be super confident in myself. Then I lost it. Now… I’ve regained it. I’m buying a VS swimsuit to celebrate.

~ by shespeakstruth on February 18, 2013.