Placing the Blame

Another fight. This time, I have to say that I could have prevented it.

I was so sick at work yesterday, I left early–more like was forced out. No one wanted me there :/ When I leave early, there aren’t any express trains or buses running. Meaning it could take two hours to get home. I was feeling bad enough that I decided to chance it. I called him before I left. He didn’t pick up. Twice.

I checked directions to get home. Got on a bus. And waited. And then realized none of the bus stops were the one that I needed. I didn’t recognize any of them. I tried calling him another two times. Nothing.

After asking the bus driver, turns out I should have gotten off much sooner. So I had to stay on to get to the next train.

And then the train didn’t come. And didn’t come. And I got lost. I called him again…. twice more. Nothing.

I was starting to freak out. Should I take a cab? Nope. No cash on me. Should I call someone else? Who?? There wasn’t anyone.

So I finally found the train. Got on. And another hour later. I got home. But I left my keys at home, purposely, because he was there today. I tried buzzing the door. Nothing. I tried knocking. Nothing. I tried calling again. The 9th time. Nothing.

And then it started raining.

How could the day just get worse?

Well… he eventually opened the door. He was in his underwear. On the phone with her. And playing video games.

I’m broken. And then we got in a fight. Three hours to get home. When I’m sent home. When I feel awful. And then the weather….. Just consider it a lesson learned. I will ALWAYS bring my keys. I will ALWAYS carry cash AND debit/credit cards. I will ALWAYS have someone else to call. And I will ALWAYS have a back-up plan.

I slept from 4:30 p.m. yesterday until 10 a.m. this morning. Woke up twice. Once to take out contacts. Once to call in to work. Didn’t talk to him at all, except to mention that I’m glad no one was calling to tell him I was in the emergency room, or dead. And then I went to bed. Alone. Again.

I deserve this. It’s my fault.

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~ by shespeakstruth on January 30, 2013.