Another spiral

I’ve been thinking really hard over the past few months about birth control options. When I decided to get the Paragard IUD, I wanted to do it because my body felt drained. I had been on the generic Ortho-Novum (Necon 1/35) for nearly 9 years. My body was aching. My moods were up and down. And I had zero sex drive.

So I got off it. And…well… if you haven’t read the Paragard IUD series that I’ve already written about, start here at post 1. Then I don’t have to rewrite it all. I’ll be here when you get back.

Back?

Ok. So now that I’ve been through an IUD insertion, multiple x-rays and ultrasounds, 1 pregnancy, and 1 abortion, and 1 new period…. It’s time for me to start figuring out what I want to do. This decision isn’t going to just make itself. And the longer I hold out? The harder the decision will be.

Which is why last night I took my first birth control pill in nearly four months.

I was against it for the longest time. But here’s the deal: I want to have sex again. Not now. Maybe not in the next few weeks or months. But I want to. I’ve realized I AM a really sexual being, and perhaps I was attributing my low sex drive to the birth control. But really? I think it’s just the relationship. I didn’t have these problems with IT Guy or Internet Guy…

The biggest reason in taking them is that I don’t want to get pregnant again on accident. And there’s a greater chance of that happening if I have sex without a pill. I want to plan my next pregnancy and be happy about it. I know myself enough to realize that I would delay having sex with anyone because of the possibility of getting pregnant. It was that traumatic….that I’m scared. Never again. Essentially: I am more afraid of getting pregnant and repeating the last three months, than I am of what the birth control will do to my body. 

So I’ll continue taking the pills until I come up against a reason not to. Hopefully they will put my body on a more set schedule, clear up the bit of acne that came back, and make me not pregnant. And perhaps in a few weeks I’ll be ok to try the sex thing again. With whoever I choose.

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~ by shespeakstruth on January 22, 2013.