I’m normal again.

It’s all over. Instead of October 12…. I’ve got a new date to give to the doc. January 15. I’ve finally gotten my period after 3 months of not having one. Which means I’m officially registering not pregnant. There’s no more pregnancy hormones in my system. I’m… reset.

Normal.

And somehow I thought this would all feel a little different. That things would somehow make themselves better because the hormones threw me for a loop. But not much has changed…

I’m still not happy in my marriage.
I’m still not having sex.
I’m still unhappy with my job.
I’m still…[insert something here] for the IT Guy.
I’m still in a state of unknown.

But I’m normal. And feel like all these feelings? Are normal too.

Now I can proceed in my decision making… and daily routines… without feeling like I’m making a mistake due to the past few months. Due to stress, anxiety, depression, etc.

I know that I’m getting better. And can recognize these problems as something that’s normal. I’m able to apply to other jobs and know that I’m making the right decision. I’m able to want IT Guy and not be upset he doesn’t want me in return (who wants someone that doesn’t want them? repeat.). I’m able to be content in my decision to leave my husband and start over. To be on my own for as long as it takes. To rediscover what makes me happy.

I feel like decisions are a lot easier now. And I feel like I’m normal.

Just sort of wishing I had a more solid footing right now.

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~ by shespeakstruth on January 16, 2013.