The first orgasm

I haven’t had an orgasm since….


This is slightly embarrassing. Let’s say since before October 12. My life has been such a whirlwind of emotions, that it hasn’t been high on my priority list to take care of me. Now that I’ve been given the go-ahead from the doctor to have sex. To use a hot tub. To go back to the gym. To lift more than 10 lb. I figured…. it’s probably ok if I start seeing myself as a sexual being again.

I don’t feel comfortable masturbating in the apartment generally, since I’m never alone. And the husband? Gives me a really hard time if I pleasure myself. He feels like if he’s there, I should go to HIM for pleasure. This is a problem for multiple reasons, but the big ones being, 1) the majority of the time, he doesn’t please me in this way. Sex ends long before I’ve been able to reap this sort of pleasure; 2) I start to feel guilty that I shouldn’t be pleasuring myself at all.

It’s a bunch of crap.

I can get myself off in less than 10 seconds if need be. It solves stresses. And I can make myself feel sexier than…. well… let’s say everyone just about (there’s a select few who have been able to do this successfully. Just not often enough for my tastes).

So today, I wondered how it would be if I treated myself. I closed the bathroom door, stepped into the shower, and tried. Aside from being brief, worrying about someone walking in on me and making fun… I had my first orgasm in more than three months.

I feel like I deserve a gold fucking medal.


~ by shespeakstruth on January 2, 2013.