Don’t Let Me Forget…

That for a few hours tonight, I felt normal.

It was unreal. I smiled at a potato and truffle soup. The minute the spoon hit my lips, I grinned like a mad woman. I felt normal. Not depressed. Not broken. Just like myself. And I miss that woman so much.

The husband and I decided to spend our New Years at a swanky restaurant (Think $100/plate) that was doing something special for the holiday. I was brought back to life for a few hours by the aforesaid soup, a camembert and potato gateau with beet sauce, paupiette dover sole with jumbo prawns and a saffron sauce, and a trio of chocolate desserts.

Between that, the Chardonnay, the ridiculously dry and over bubbly champagne, and the complimentary homemade truffles…I was beyond the moon. And then everyone was so COMFORTABLE in the room that I felt like a piece of something special.

The couple next to us was eager to talk about their dinner (they were at the 7:00 p.m. dinner service and were just finishing when we arrived for the 9:30 p.m.). In their late 40s, they smiled. A lot. They told us what they loved about their dishes. They leaned over and laughed with us. They felt like good friends in just minutes.

And then the woman leaned over and asked, “Have you ever seen Dr. Zhivago?” No. I hadn’t. Why? “You look just like that actress. The mistress. You’re gorgeous. We don’t see many young people your age here, and you bring something refreshing to the restaurant.”

Blush. Fiercely blush. Thanked her. Thanked her husband who kept giving me compliments as well. Blushed at my husband, who was beaming that his wife was complimented. Blushed at the man at the next table who nodded at my shoes and smiled (SOMEONE likes the 4″ heels and what they do to my legs!).

And then I felt normal. Again. I felt like I managed to pull it together. To be social again. To look like a woman again. To feel like myself again. To feel attractive again.

At a quarter to midnight, when champagne was passed, everyone was given a set of hats and party favors. Everyone donned the gold hats, the white and black feathers, the beaded necklaces. Everyone got into the spirit of things. It was a room filled with those who understood the sentiment of the evening… And the family with kids started the countdown. In Spanish. With loud screaming, lots of noise makers. They were having a great time.

And once midnight hit, and we toasted each other, and the tables next to us, and I put on my feather New Years Eve hat, and hugged those nearest me…  I just wished this would be my forever feeling.

However brief…and however selfish…. I saw this vibrant person that I was lacking inside, and I so wanted to be her again.

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~ by shespeakstruth on January 1, 2013.