The ParaGard IUD: What to Expect

I’m pregnant.

Turns out that during the week of my “hellish” period? It was my body simulating a miscarriage. And the IUD came out. Yep. Told you all in this post right here (But if you haven’t caught up on the other posts, I’d suggest you go read those right now. All number 1, 2, 3 and 4).

Husband and I had sex ONCE after the IUD came out. The week after it came out. Just once.

And that’s all it took.

I haven’t gotten my period. Have taken a handful of pregnancy tests, and am roughly 6 weeks along as of right now. My world is crashing around me. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want a kid. I’m a horrible person. I’m a horrible mother. I’m a horribly selfish prick who is having a quarter life crisis now. A few short weeks ago? I was living on cloud nine and in utter bliss.

Now I despise ever being born a girl and am swearing off all varieties of sex and birth control. I’m so angry with myself and life that I can’t see straight. I know it’s as easy as saying, “Welp, I’m having an abortion.” But I’ve already told my mom. That was problem #1. I shouldnt have told her. I shouldn’t have told anyone. And as of right now? 10 people know. 9 people who are affecting my brain, my decision to think straight, and just…everything.

I went on the ParaGard IUD to NOT get pregnant. And I ended up the exact opposite. My life won’t be the same. Regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy. I’m at a loss for words and just can’t appreciate what IUDs do for most women because they failed me. They failed my husband.

I’m a wreck. And I don’t know what to do.

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~ by shespeakstruth on November 21, 2012.