There’s a quiet sort of lull

Coming from the back of my mind. I often think too much.

Bright Eyes’ grandmother passed away today. She was 90 years old. I keep thinking about my grandmother, who is 85 and won’t be around for much longer. And then I feel like I lose a piece of myself. My grandmother is my lifeline.

With two working parents, one who didn’t even care much about me, I grew up with my grandmother taking care of me. I don’t know if it’s because I was a baby, the only girl, the youngest, or the reason why my grandmother quit her job to move in with us full-time….but she’s always been there. And was always there until I was 15. for 15 years.

Our relationship hasn’t really changed in the past 10 years. I still call her, I still ask her advice. But I know she’s growing further away from me in her own mind. The spark is just a little bit less.

So when I heard that Bright Eyes’ grandma passed? I felt the pain of my own. I don’t want to ever think of that date. We’ve had plenty of scares before… and I’m still not prepared to say goodbye.

You just realize who means the most to you when they’re the farthest away. Family will always be my number one…and it kills me that I’m so far away from the ones I care about most.


~ by shespeakstruth on November 13, 2012.