When he wanted to marry me

Have you ever felt that you’ve been with someone for so long, it’s just assumed that you’ll marry one another? Husband and I had been dating for 7 years when I started to get the “When is he going to propose?” jitters. Even friends were asking me when he would ask!

I was, inside, worried about when it would happen. We had talked about this at an earlier point, when we were deciding whether we should continue/stop dating. His major concern was that he didn’t believe in divorce, and wanted to make sure that we had enough staying power to make it as long as his parents (I have a slightly jaded view on marriage… as my dad cheated on my mom for years–before I was born even–and I believe she’s happier now as both a person and a wife). Husband just wouldn’t make a commitment because he was afraid.

He had planned a big trip down to Denver for new years day one year. All my friends kept whispering things to me about this being “the moment!” and “ohmygodsohappyforyou!”. I had always told myself I wasn’t going to be THAT kind of girl. To get pressured by friends, to start demanding a ring. But a part deep down inside of me reallllly wanted this to happen, so that I could say someone wanted ME for the rest of his life. I started to think this could be THE moment too.

But it didn’t happen on that trip. It was beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but because it didn’t happen, I got in a big fight with him. He felt like a failure, didn’t understand what I was talking about, and it took us a while to get over this road bump.

When it DID actually happen, more than a year and a half later, I had been recently talking about it with college friends and professors (I was getting my graduate degree at the time). He proposed in a well-planned out ordeal a few weeks before I graduated. Everyone knew about it and no one told me. I was the one that felt ridiculously stupid at this point.

So after it was done, the ring was sized, announcements were sent out, I asked him what made him finally do it. He responded, “Well, your friend Bright Eyes got engaged, actually.”

Oh? She had been dating a guy since she was 13, and, in a devastating twist of fate, he had cheated on her, gotten someone pregnant (it turns out after the baby was born, a genetics test proved it wasn’t his), and then returned to her with apologies. She took him back after some serious counseling and inner dialogues with herself. He proposed, and they’ve been happily married ever since.

So THIS scenario is what made him want to marry me?

“I figured that if a guy like Bright Eyes’ could make a commitment, then I could, too.”

Somehow…this wasn’t nearly as romantic or as well-thought out as I had hoped it would be….


~ by shespeakstruth on October 30, 2012.